Will it ever be enough?
A few words on mental health and my personal experience
This post is part of a challenge where every week (for at least 1 month) my followers choose / suggest themes being the most voted for each week, the theme I will write about.
When I released the last poll, through my Instagram account, I already expected that the topic “mental health” would win several votes. I just didn’t imagine that this would happen so quickly.
And with so many people talking about or wanting to read more about it, this implies, positively, that the subject is getting around more easily than in past years and decades.
I confess that at first, I had no idea how to approach the subject in a way that was not too pushy or lame. I am not a healthcare professional nor do I have the right to address “cures”, “solutions” or general causes. Furthermore, I’m merely sharing my experience and thoughts here, and they are based on what I’ve been reading and watching. Therefore, I prefer this article to serve as a source for you all to reflect on, in order to encourage you to seek help and continue to stimulate more discussions on the topic of mental health with others.
Sweet 16 and the taboos
At school, I learned that I could make as many mistakes as it took to learn a subject. Later, however, I was conditioned to think that I should be the best. During the senior year, I felt like I was being tested all the time.
At some point, I found myself in the emergency room because I couldn’t handle the pressure. But I actually thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn’t accept what was happening simply as anxiety. “Why would that be?” I questioned myself. I had a wonderful family that supported (and still very much supports) me, I went to a good school and I didn’t have to work. It was almost like I couldn’t feel it, because for me this subject was far from my desired reality, and I was busy enough to even think about it.“This generation only knows to complain about nothing” I’ve heard out there.
I got my way into one of the best universities in the country, it still wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t enough for a long time.
We’re probably dealing with issues that our parents and grandparents weren’t encouraged to talk about.
In my early twenties, the fear of disapproval during job screening or within a toxic work culture led me to think I wasn’t good at anything. I had moments of depressing thoughts, and as I pushed and pushed, not caring for a break, I once had panic attacks.
Later, I realized that no one was going to figure out the problem for me — especially if I didn’t tell anyone what was going on. And now I understand that we’re probably dealing with issues that our parents and grandparents weren’t encouraged to talk about.
Taboos will perpetuate as long as there is no one to break them.
Always easier said than done
I am approaching my 30s, and now I’m finally finding my way with psychoanalysis. Why didn’t you treat the problem sooner? -You may be wondering.
See, at school, I didn’t have any other responsibilities besides my studies. At work, I worked for expenses, to help at home and my studies. Overall, I “had no reason” to feel overwhelmed. And it was hard to explain to people around me that I needed to get help. “But help for what?”
I never made my mental disorders a high priority because there were many problems that were probably more important than mine.
To this day, I also remember some lines that resonate in my head, such as: “You should have popped some pills” “There are people who have to manage a lot more than you had, and they are fine, get a grip”. If you are going through difficult times with your mental health, I’m sure many of you will sympathize with that. At the time, being very young and not having heard of mental health awareness, I felt guilty for having what I had.
These interrogations align very well with the massive criticism Simone Biles received after withdrawing from the Olympic competitions. After reading several comments, on posts from some sources at Facebook and Instagram, I got deeply disappointed. Although many showed sympathy for her decision, I could still spot many comments stating that her act was considered childish and selfish.
You see, she was the first athlete to withdraw from competitions like this, but she was one of many -black- women to publicly admit that she had limits — in a world where we, especially athletes, are often expected to be off limits.
Women are ”fragile” but are raised to multitask
Gender bias are pretty much present when we speak about mental health. Women are conditioned to be multitasking beings. Let’s start with mothers: Women are (still) bad moms if they have postpartum depression or any other kind of overwhelming feeling. “They ain’t strong enough”. Single mothers are always guilty. Working moms are the “goddesses” if they can prove they can juggle with everything swimmingly.
If you are not a mother and have any kind of mental disorder, you might be doomed to be asked a lot of questions before you have the problem acknowledged as real and not as “a woman being annoying”.
These blindfolds are possibly the worst “help” you could ever give someone in need of support. Or even, a way to mask a great portion of a worldwide problem.
Men, go seek therapy!
I recently read this brilliant Instagram post by Bemdito (originally in Portuguese) where they raise the question: “Why is it so hard for us heterosexual and cisgender men to admit our own frailty?”
In the 90s and early 2000s, while a kid in Brazil, I often witnessed the idea that women who acted mad should seek therapy, primarily as an act of “fixing” their minds so that they could function properly. This concept was widely spread in soap operas, magazines and random comments. And these days, I even wonder what “therapy” was like in previous decades.
That said, it is not strange to witness “going to therapy” associated with frailty.
The search for help alone is still being demystified as a weakness. Although it is more common for women to recognize their limits, for men it is often a “hard pass”. As women are seen as “multitasking” beings, they have grown to bring up the mental health discussion more often than men at times do.
We’ve always dealt with society asking us to “fix” our loose screws, men were mostly raised to represent strength and dominance.
Will it ever be enough?
While looking for a “catchy title”, this question crossed my mind.
We can no longer hold back and wait for the problem to go away. Last year, the world was not prepared to deal with a pandemic. Furthermore, it was not prepared to face the psychological consequences that submerged with it. As things slowly “go back to normal”, there is still some resistance to unfolding the issue.
Furthermore, even as this subject has attracted more attention, it has also been absorbed into the “black hole” of trends. Just yesterday, while running through Instagram, many of the posts that included “mental health” hashtags didn’t even have anything to do with it.
Thus, this title is a discussion point as well as a shout-out to all those who still want to turn a blind eye to what is happening: how many more cases, tragedies, studies or testimonies will be enough to support the idea that…
…we all have limits?
…mental health is not a joke or the next trend?
… mental health is an excuse of a doomed generation?
…it needs to be talked among women and men, teenagers and elders?
…therapy and treatments should be normalized and more accessible?
… medicine alone won’t be enough to cover the core of the problem?
…it doesn’t make you necessarily weak, less worthy or dumb?
…enough is enough?
